On Happiness

For a long time, many years, I struggled to get by, to just keep going, I was just scraping by. I didn't dare to dream of pursuing happiness. Contentment was my goal, the hope that far in the future, things could possibly be okay enough that I would be, overall, content.

I've been working on myself more and more, and I'm on medication that gets me up enough that I'm typically functional. It's strange, but wonderful. It means that I can be hopeful that one day, I will be more than content; I will be happy.

But what does that even mean? What would happiness be for me?

I want to be successful in what I do. I want to believe in the work that I do, know that I'm helping, and be able to get out of bed with a smile on most days.

I want to live somewhere I love, and I want to be involved in a community. I want to be in a city, and I want to explore that city with someone.

I want to travel, see the world, explore, adventure, and challenge myself. I want to share these experiences with someone.

I want to learn. I want to never stop learning.

I want to accept myself, know my strengths and weaknesses, and take care of myself. I want to have a small but tight-knit group of friends.

I want to create. I want to help others. I want to learn. I want to push myself and others to be better.

I suppose happiness for me is a combination of expressing my creativity, learning, helping people, and expanding and pushing the world further.

And by being successful in my work, living in and engaging with a city, travelling, and self-acceptance, I will be pursuing my happiness.


(I'd also really love to have a fully functioning "L" key again. That would awesome.)

On Broken Mirrors

I've broken two mirrors in the past couple of weeks. I know the whole superstition of having bad luck for the next seven years.

I'm going with a different theory: putting an end to seven years of bad luck. So, two mirrors means 14 years of bad luck.

I'm 24. I started having symptoms of depression when I was 10. In fact, now that I think about it, it was right around this time of the year.

Yay for the end of 14 years of bad luck/gross depression!!! Well, hopefully. I guess we'll see. So far, so good.